23 May 2011

Ego's Upper Hand

Been contemplating my ego, (because, of course, she likes it so much when I do). But I’ve been thinking about how huge and powerful she is. I am so grateful to her for her survival instinct, she has kept this body thriving and she has kept this mind enthused about the life we are living, but sometimes she gets a bit full of herself. She actually thinks she’s running the show!

The ego thinks it to be a sun and not merely a lowly star like the rest of us!

How easily fooled she is! At times like these especially.

My ego wants to believe she is doing us a world of good – and very often, most often she does. She motivates us to get up each day and risk losing herself one more time. However, her motivation is always self-serving, self-actualizing in a selfish sense of superior survival.

She wants to believe her own press.
She wants to believe we can’t survive without her guidance.
She wants to believe she is running the show.

So I’ve watched this buildup for sometime, even saw what was happening on a subtle level but continued to ignore the warning signs and instead focused only on those things that aligned with ego’s selfish view of how things should be; even when the conflicting evidence was incontrovertible. Ego was singing me yet another siren swan song. And in a dervish whirl we tested the fires. Ego all the while pushing and pushing me to see how close we could dance to the flame. And we did dance so ecstatically at first that I didn’t even notice the acrid smell of burning flesh just as the intensity and heat became too much and ego falls back in an exhausted expenditure of energy.

But now what – who pulls me from the flames? Ego again? Maybe; but only in that self-persevering loop. Once again, ego’s job is done with me and I am thrust into the position of having to bandage the wounds of her reckless desires but also gaining insight and compassion in the bargain.

We tangled in the best of ways. We tested each other’s mettle. And I bow to a formable opponent, not a foe or enemy but a good spirit warrior that sharpens the blade upon her opponent’s sword only for the purpose of gaining a more finely honed weapon with which to carry on battle with one’s self. As long as I continue to keep ego in check and narrow ego’s desires to those that serve us well we should prevent getting burned too badly.

But why take my word for it? This video illustrates it so much more beautifully than I can.

Thanks to Paul Coehlo's Blog for sharing. You do want to go full-screen for this. I especially like how the warrior touches her opponent's heart in the end. Sweet!

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